Special Treatment

“Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he can and should be and he will become as he can and should be.” - Goethe (German poet)

Each one of us has the potential to bring out the best or worst in others. When we focus on people’s faults, stick labels on them, and then subsequently treat them with suspicion and reservation, we actually block their progress. By forcing people into a defensive mode, we distract them from doing the deep internal work that can give birth to their divine and innate potential. It’s not that we are simply passive and powerless victims of other peoples (mis)behavior. We are often party to it.

Great saintly teachers have shown how an approach of encouragement, appreciation, and loving discipline can create miraculous change in others. Swami Prabhupada was one such example. Having spent his entire life amidst refined and immaculate spiritual culture, he arrived in New York’s skid row and lived side-by-side with bohemians, acidheads and hippies. He saw beyond their difficulties, frustrations and problems, and detected the spark of genuine spiritual enthusiasm and sincerity. He fanned that spark, and ignited a fire that could incinerate their inner issues. Convinced that every soul is amazing, he worked hard to enliven that spirit.

Bringing out the best in others does require immense spiritual depth. We have to stop taking things personally. We have to develop a character of forgiveness and kindness. We have to be patient, and value progress above perfection. We have to avoid overreacting in provoking situations. We have to remain fixed in our values and principles despite the irrationality of others. We have to avoid the temptation to ‘hit back’ and hurt others simply for immediate relief and gratification. A tall order. I hope that one day I’ll develop the spiritual depth to conduct myself in this way. We may think that remaining sane, healthy and happy in our own life is good enough. The principle of being genuinely concerned for the wellbeing of others, however, is innate to our own progress. By bringing out the best in others, we bring out the best in ourselves.

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Mediate before you meditate

Human relationships are riddled with argument, quarrel and conflict. It’s a symptom of the age. But that’s not a problem per se, since every disagreement is pregnant with positive and negative potential. Differences of opinion can bring enlightenment, transformation, wisdom and growth – they can also be the cause of anger, frustration, resentment, and bad feeling. Developing progressive responses in argumentative situations can be a liberating experience. Here are some tips:

• Tolerance – the first moments of a conflict situation can determine the entire conversation. Be tolerant and patient. The art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. Adopting an adversarial approach erects barriers which block the meeting of hearts.
• Circumstance - beyond the perceived irrationality of actions and words, try to understand why someone is doing what they do. Then you hold the key to progress. In interpersonal relations the golden rule is this: seek first to understand, then to be understood. To do that you have to listen with an open heart and an open mind.
• Acceptance – did you ever consider that there may not be a right or wrong answer? Conflict comes from difference, but diversity is not necessarily bad. Fear of difference is fear of life itself. By accepting that we're all individuals, we can more appreciate that conflict is often a case of different ‘angles of vision’ illuminating the same truth.
• Importance – keep disagreements in perspective and properly evaluate their importance. Question whether the tenacious pursuance and resolution of a conflict is really necessary. Issues can easily be dropped or ignored, but often our emotional involvement keeps us doggedly fighting till the last breath.
• Transcendence – we love to be right, but the spiritual principle is to transcend right and wrong. The real aim of an argument or discussion should not be victory, but progress. If a concession of ‘defeat’ improves our relationships, helps us develop character, and opens up opportunities for progressive solutions, then where is the loss?

Arguments, conflict and unsavory confrontation can disturb our mental state and make spiritual practice incredibly difficult. Learning to mediate our conflicts can help us to meditate in peace.

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Top Gear

Three months into 2013 and my new year’s resolution remains intact – 30 minutes of exercise every day. Coupled with a slight improvement in diet, I definitely feel much better. Krishna explains that “he who is regulated in his habits of eating, sleeping, recreation and work can mitigate all material pains by practicing the yoga system” (Bhagavad-gita 6.17). A vibrant spiritual life should go hand-in-hand with physical and emotional wellbeing. Feelings of good health, vigour and vitality can help spur on our spiritual endeavours. Coming from someone who previously paid little attention to such matters, I’m happy to say I’ve been won over! Although the body is simply a machine, it pays off to keep it road-worthy.

I have, however, noted an interesting phenomenon in physical training. As the body becomes fitter, the same amount of physical exertion no longer creates growth. Over time, you have to intensify and step up your exercise to keep developing. Even weight trainers will tell you that muscles are developed by squeezing out an extra few push ups, sit ups or weight lifts beyond what you can comfortably do. Building our spiritual muscles is no different. As the years go by, we have to “up the gear” and offer more selfless service, extend ourselves in greater ways, develop our humility and tolerance to a more profound level, and strengthen our determination and enthusiasm. Spiritual life is dynamic; if we aren’t pushing forward, we can easily slip back into laziness, complacency and bad habits.

In worldly spheres, as people grow in age they tend to slow down and do less. Work now, retire later. The youthful years are considered the most fruitful. In spiritual spheres, however, the older years may well be considered the “business end”. As time ticks on, our urgency should increase, our spiritual realisations should mature, and our enthusiasm should grow. Ignore the old cliché about middle-aged dogs and new tricks! Swami Prabhupada was the ideal example. When CNN documented 10 wildly successful people who started their careers after 50 years-old, they included him in that elite list:

The founder of the Hare Krishna movement was 69 years old before he started the International Society for Krishna Consciousness. In his native India, Prabhupada had been a chemist and a Sanskrit scholar in Calcutta, but in 1965 he came to New York City with just fifty bucks, a pair of cymbals, and a desire to spread the teachings of Lord Krishna. Prabhupada got off to a modest start by sitting on a sidewalk in the East Village and chanting, but by the time of his death in 1977 his legions of followers were rumoured to be thousands strong. (Ethan Trex, May 2010, CNN News)

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Guilty Conscience

Those who embark on the journey towards transcendence are brave indeed. They strive for purity in a world of degradation, they embrace simplicity amongst rampant materialism, and they cultivate selflessness in an atmosphere charged with exploitation. Anyone who goes against the grain in such a bold way will undoubtedly be faced with temptation, doubt, ridicule and moments of weakness. Behind the high ideals and expectations of any religious or spiritual tradition, stands the relatively frail and weak aspirant. Lapses and mistakes are to be expected in the life journey of any human, and spiritualists are no exception. Scriptures are replete with accounts of spiritual aspirants who fell victim to the material appetite.

Nobody likes to be a hypocrite, and a gap between the ideal and the real naturally generates feelings of frustration, guilt and regret. This is an interesting phenomenon. Without a sense of guilt or shame one will lack the impetus to improve. They generally gravitate towards a life of justification, where they comfort themselves in their compromised position and accept their weaknesses with no concrete plan to overcome them. On the other hand, an overdose of guilt becomes highly debilitating. It usually leads to depression, hopelessness and an inferiority complex where the aspirant feels powerless to improve. They often end up leading a subdued and isolated life, distancing themselves from people and situations that remind them of their shortcomings. To avoid the two unhealthy extremes of justification and hopelessness, we need to manage a healthy and balanced amount of guilt to create positive change.

How can we support those who aspire against the odds to be good and noble, but who sometimes fail? How can we transform the guilt into growth? How can we reassure individuals to stay determined and never give up? The ancient teachers stress the principle of guhyam akhyati prcchati: to openly discuss one’s challenges with a friend. Firstly, it frees one from anxiety and a sense of hypocrisy. Honesty can calm our conscience and bring an immediate feeling of relief. Secondly, one creates an opportunity to receive invaluable advice, feedback and support. Even if they offer words that we’ve heard before, it can still impact our lives in a significant way. Thirdly, and arguably most importantly, there is a divine recognition and witness to this exchange. Humbly admitting one’s shortcomings is a demonstration of a genuine and sincere desire to improve. That exhibition of humility is rewarded with great inner strength and resolve. Through honest exchange, one can face their challenges and emerge with greater enthusiasm and maturity to continue on. It’s good to talk.

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Build High, Dig Deep

Stress seems to be the dreaded ailment of the age. Everyone seems to be searching for ways to avoid it! But maybe living a little on the edge is not so bad after all. A suitable amount of stress can help you grow, push you to achieve amazing things, give real meaning to your life and add an element of excitement and adventure. Modern psychologists refer to this healthy phenomenon as “eustress”. If life were just peaceful, predictable, quiet and orderly, we may not maximise the potential. Balanced amounts of stress spice up life - too much peace of mind can also drive you mad! So how do you bend yourself without breaking? How to push yourself without falling over the edge? How to strive for success, while maintaining your sanity and composure?

Skyscrapers are well-known for their deep foundations. The calculation of depth is primarily based on three things:

• The height of the building
• The softness of the soil 
• The severity of the weather conditions

As long as you have a good foundation, you can build as high as you like.

The building of our life can rise high. We can adopt challenging projects, accept multiple responsibilities, tackle stressful situations and fly high in the skies of success... as long as we have deep spiritual foundations to balance it out. We should simultaneously be aware of the soft soil we are building on; inherent weakness of heart, flickering determination and a fragile mind are archetype characteristics of the aspiring spiritualist. Also bear in mind that the climate within which we operate is unpredictable and often unsupportive. We are surrounded by a world which promotes a different paradigm.

The problem is not that we strive to do amazing things, but rather that we neglect to invest quality time in spiritually nourishing ourselves. As one is cemented in a deep sense of spirituality their ability to become an agent of positive change increases. They can rise high, impact the world, and still remain strong, steady and humble.

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Free Book Download: Bhakti Life

We may read a lot of spiritual knowledge, but sometimes the practical application can be ambiguous and unclear. What practices should I perform on a daily basis? How can I change my lifestyle to support my spirituality? When challenges and obstacles arise, how should I react? “Bhakti Life” is a humble attempt to answer some of these questions and offer some practical information for the aspiring spiritualist.

Bhakti-yoga is not an armchair philosophy, a religious doctrine or a Sunday ritual. It is a way of life. In the Bhakti-Rasamrita Sindhu, a 16th century thesis on the science of devotion, the great teacher Rupa Goswami perfectly outlines how to practice bhakti-yoga in one’s daily life. Drawing from these timeless teachings, we have attempted to distil 18 simple steps that will aid one’s journey to Krishna. Engaging in these practical acts of bhakti-yoga will awaken a deep sense of fulfilment, happiness and enduring satisfaction. Indeed, Krishna assures us that the individual who is steadfast and determined in such spiritual practices can see Him face-to-face. It’s that simple.

Download "Bhakti Life" by clicking here (right click and "save link as...")

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Slow Progress

Over the years I’ve managed to keep a journal with some daily thoughts and reflections. Today I looked back to read my entry on 21st February 2003. It was disappointing. The exact same character frailties, unhelpful desires and spiritual blocks I had then, are still affecting me now. It can be disheartening to see a lack of transformation and progress, and naturally calls one to question themselves. Am I consistently bringing my full attention and care to the basic spiritual practices? Does my lifestyle support and foster deeper spirituality? Could certain activities be checking my spiritual growth? Have I approached other spiritualists to receive their feedback and advice? This kind of regular honest introspection is essential for a healthy spiritual life. We have to identify our blocks and make a concerted effort to create change.

However, there is another perspective. Once, a disciple approached his guru with a similar quandary regarding his perceived stunted spiritual progress. The guru responded by handing him two seeds, one for a fern tree, the other for a bamboo tree. He told the disciple to sow and cultivate them both.

• After one year the fern tree had grown 1 foot high, but the bamboo tree had not appeared. 
• By the second year the fern tree had reached 2 foot high, but there was still no sign of the bamboo tree. 
• Three years in, the fern tree had steadily progressed to 3 foot high, while the bamboo tree remained invisible.

The disciple was slightly bewildered, but the guru simply smiled and told him to be patient. At the conclusion of the fourth year the fern tree had progressed to 4 foot high, but the bamboo had now miraculously shot up to 5 foot high. When the disciple reported back, the guru explained the reason – “yes, the bamboo was spending 3 years spreading its roots. That was the invisible part of its growth process”. Thus the guru assured the sincere disciple that he was indeed progressing, though it may not be externally perceivable at this moment in time.

Advancement in the spiritual discipline is not necessarily linear. It’s not that with each progressive year of sincere practice a certain amount of visible and perceived character progress is guaranteed. The effect of our day-to-day practices may be on a much more subtle and internal level, and if we continue on with enthusiasm, patience and determination, we can be assured that progress is taking place. Like the trees, we all grow in different ways. Since inner transformation is a divine gift, we cannot force it to occur. Through sincere and concerted endeavour we can only attempt to attract grace, yet we are not in ultimate control of that transcendental commodity. With each passing year, I am realizing that the defects of envy, lust, pride, ego and anger are incredibly deep-rooted. Although we see hints of improvement over time, it will likely take many years of concerted effort to truly reconfigure the psyche, and manifest our pure spiritual character. I'm not disappointed - it’s worth the wait!

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Spiritual Melting Pot

It wasn’t planned, but it was a great opportunity. I threw together a few essentials, jumped on a rickety Indian bus, scrambled for one of the last remaining seats, and sat through a violently bumpy twelve-hour overnight journey. It was a tad uncomfortable but I accepted it as part of the experience. As we arrived at 6.00am in a chilly Allahabad, the thick fog began to disperse, and the sun rose to reveal one of the greatest congregations of human beings in any one place: “Kumbha Mela”. Held every 12 years, the festival attracts faithful pilgrims, inquisitive spiritual seekers, destitute beggars, famed yoga masters, and extreme ascetics rarely seen by the rest of civilisation. This year, over 80 million people will be magnetically drawn to this spiritual melting pot. No other religious gathering comes close to it in terms of scale.

The focal point of the entire site is the triveni-sangam, the meeting place of three sacred rivers: the Ganges, Yamuna and the subterranean Sarasvati. By bathing in the confluence at astrologically auspicious periods, lifetimes of karmic baggage can be destroyed, and one can free themselves from the complex meshes of action and reaction. Thus, one can transcend the temporal world of perpetual rebirth and open the doors to liberation. Needless to say I capitalised on the opportunity. It was a powerful experience. This human spectacle, however, has also become renowned as a forum to exchange spiritual values, religious ideas and moral codes. Above and beyond the exotic mysticism that can attract and capture one’s attention, these festivals offer the golden opportunity to meet saintly and self-realised people. This is the essence of Kumbha Mela.

But who is a true saint? The Bhagavad-gita explains that such persons are not stereotyped. They may be recognised by many people and famed in spiritual circles, or maybe not. They may be erudite, scholarly and philosophically astute, or maybe not. They may be renounced, austere and free from worldly responsibility, or maybe not. The one essential quality of the truly saintly person, however, is their enthusiastic, dedicated and unwavering conviction to selflessly serve. They exist to give happiness to others. It is those souls who we have to seek out, for the sacred truths of dharma are hidden within their hearts. As I head towards London Heathrow, I reflect on the many saintly people I have met on this trip. Over the years I have become more and more convinced that saints are not just personalities of the past, but that saints are also living in our midst. We walk and talk with spiritually evolved people more often than we may appreciate. I sincerely hope these special souls will remember me. I’ll surely be blessed if they do.

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