People Problems

Conflict, friction and human disagreement is, unfortunately, a major part of daily life. Whether it’s the erratic driver who cuts in front of you on the high street, crafty and cunning work colleagues pulling a fast one, or ungrateful and insensitive friends, unsavoury interactions can spoil our day really quickly. Fortunately for us, the great saint Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur offers invaluable wisdom to help handle these daily challenges:

"When faults in others misguide and delude you - have patience, introspect, find faults in yourself. Know that others cannot harm you unless you harm yourself."

Patience - the first moments of a conflict situation are crucial. Be tolerant and patient. The art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but sometimes to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. When negative emotions hijack our mental state, chances are we’ll act and speak irrationally. One who is patient in a moment of anger, saves themselves days of sorrow.

Introspect – take some time to consider the situation. Beyond the perceived idiocy of actions and words, try to understand what is driving someone to do what they do. What is the hidden background? If we can identify that, we hold the key to progress. In human dealings the golden rule is this: seek first to understand, then to be understood. We could also consider how important the conflict really is – most Issues can easily be dropped or ignored, but often our emotional engrossment keeps us doggedly fighting till the last breath.

Find faults in yourself – every experience we encounter is ultimately an opportunity for self-growth. Provoking situations act as a mirror to better understand our weaknesses and faults. When we can identify and accept our own imperfections, we’re better placed to considerately deal with others. Else, we may fall into the trap of being very good judges for other people’s mistakes, and expert lawyers for our own.

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Soul-utions

Last week I drove into Central London at 4.00am. It was refreshing - no cars, no traffic jams, no stress. Unfortunately it didn’t last very long. Cruising toward my destination I unexpectedly encountered major roadworks and got stuck in a huge tailback. Despite the strategic timing of my journey, I still ended up delayed! It reminded me of the challenges encountered in our early morning spiritual practices. Every day we dedicate the two hours around sunrise to focused personal meditation. Through the process of mantra, we whisper the sacred names of Krishna and try to conscientiously hear that transcendental vibration. Attentive aural reception frees the mind, cleanses the heart, and brings us in contact with the spiritual reality. You simply have to focus on the vibration. Nothing else. Sounds simple, but in reality quite problematic, since the mind is notoriously difficult to control. One thought leads to another, which leads to a third, and soon we are drifting off and straying far from our purpose.

The early morning hours are considered the most conducive for spiritual practice since the mind can peacefully flow toward the spiritual goal. However, just as early morning road works slowed down my car journey to London, mental agitation can similarly inhibit the strength of one’s spiritual connection. As I sat down this morning in preparation for my chanting, a million things were going through my mind. There were doubts and uncertainties about pending situations. There were quarrels and conflicts of opinion on pertinent issues. There were worries about friends and pressures of expectation from respected associates. There was also excitement about future opportunities, a sense of pride at this week’s achievements and anticipation at the day ahead. What can I say... the mind is a busy place! How in the world would I be able to put this all to one side, pacify the mind, and concentrate on the task at hand – to simply hear the mantra and focus on the eternal reality?

I tried to cultivate a broader mindset. Everything in my life can be resolved if I deepen my spirituality. The problem is not other people – but it’s actually my lack of tolerance, empathy and sensitivity. The problem is not the situations I find myself if in – but it’s actually my rigidity, stubbornness and lack of broader vision. It even occurred to me that all my aspirations and dreams can manifest beyond my imagination, but only after I fine tune my motivations and eradicate my ulterior selfish motivations. Everything is resolved through spiritual purity, and spiritual purity comes from determined and focused spiritual practice. As I sat down I thought to myself - “let me just focus on this mantra for the next two hours. After that, life will look quite different - situations and perspectives will change.”

It worked. Bucket loads of mental energy saved, and substantial solutions found. I’ll try the same tomorrow. Wish me luck.

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