Lessons on the road

Sitting on my desktop is a complete list of towns and cities in the UK. Some time back I resolved to spend a full day in each place, talking to the locals and leaving them with some thought-provoking literature as a token of appreciation. So far I’ve visited 204 different locations... only another 302 to go! Last week’s travels took me to Worksop, Daventry, Grantham, Huntingdon and Stratford-upon-avon. Every town has its flavor, and every day is unique. It’s quite a task to stop someone in their tracks, cut through the myriad of thoughts, penetrate the bubble of their life and begin a dialogue about deeper subject matter. Some people naturally tune in to the concept of ancient wisdom, while others are skeptical, uninterested and otherwise-engaged. Either way we always have a laugh, a smile and learn something from each other!

Amongst everything else I do in life, this simple and sublime activity is what I enjoy most. It reconnects me with my purpose. It’s where I feel at home. It’s a constant source of inspiration. I’m also appreciating, however, that the ‘not-so-inspirational’ activities in life are just as important:

• Inspirational activities (what we have a natural affinity for) - keep us positive, enthused and fulfilled.
• Challenging activities (what we fear and shy away from) – cultivate our internal growth, help us become prayerful, and are often humbling and grounding.
• Necessary activities (responding to the “need of the day”) - fuel the priceless spirit of sacrifice, selflessness and genuine concern for others.

Each activity brings an indispensable ingredient to the table. It’s important to balance the three elements for wholesome spiritual progress.

PS: The next major project is a fleet of “traveling temples” that tour the length and breadth of the country! If anyone can help me get hold of a van / mini-coach please get in touch!

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Digesting Life

How should we react to life’s challenges? To answer this question, a teacher once told his student to bring a cup of boiling water, a potato, some cotton wool and a bottle of herbs. The teacher plumped the potato into the cup. After some time the hard potato crumbled: “Some people become an emotional wreck and fall apart in difficult times – don’t be like this” he said. Next, the cotton wool was dipped into the boiling water. A few minutes later the soft substance had become solid and impenetrable: “other people become hard-hearted and emotionally indifferent – don’t be like this” he said. The herbs were then thrown in. Almost instantaneously a wonderful aroma began to emanate from the cup: “a few unique individuals use life’s challenges to bring out their best – be like this!” he concluded.

An interesting concept indeed. Sometimes we allow life’s challenges to overwhelm us. We become emotionally entangled and visibly frustrated. Not nice. On the other extreme, however, we may artificially erect a tough exterior and shut it all out. We resist the desire to react and opt to ignore. Facing challenges, however, is not just about gritting your teeth, disregarding emotion, and getting on with life. The external resilience will not cover up the internal unrest forever.

Undigested food turns and twists in the stomach; neither comfortable nor nourishing. Similarly, if we don’t internally digest life’s challenges, the emotions we neglect today will likely come back to haunt us in the future. Real tolerance is about good digestion. You accept what has happened, assimilate the events with spiritual insight, identify the lessons to learn, and let the rest go and move on. This approach liberates us from any negativity and helps us grow from the experience. The karmic law is all about character development.

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Failed Success

They say failures are stepping stones to success. Lately, however, I’ve been thinking how success can be a slipping stone to failure! Swami Prabhupada once commented how he faced two great tests in his life. At one point he was stripped of everything, left penniless and alone, an unknown mendicant with no fixed abode. Later in life, however, he achieved unimaginable success and recognition as a powerful spiritual leader of an international movement. He saw both as divine tests. Both required immense equanimity of mind. Both were opportunities to draw closer to God. Dealing with failure is no mean feat, but maintaining spiritual purity in times of achievement and prosperity is just as tough.

Success can divert our attention from the internal journey we are on. If success gives birth to pride and breeds a mentality of looking down on others, then what have we really achieved? If success instigates complacency, inattentiveness and a false sense of security, then how bright does the future look? If we become intoxicated by success, enjoying the limelight and fame instead of using it for a higher purpose, then how long before we are humbled? It’s interesting that we often identify external success as a sign of spiritual vibrancy. But maybe it’s not.

External success is surely a gift of God, but those achievements must be kept in perspective. Real success is internal success. Sincerity of purpose, purity of desire, dependence on divine grace, dutiful and determined effort – these are the components of internal success (not necessarily detectable by external signs). In 1965, upon arrival in America, Swami Prabhupada made an incredible prayer: “make me a success or failure as you wish”. For most of us the thought of failure is scary, demoralising and humiliating. Not something we’d welcome with open hands. Am I ready to try my best, be an outright failure, and still remain happy and satisfied? That complete detachment from external results, however, is unimaginably powerful. It comes from a heart which values internal purity and recognises divine grace in whatever form it may come. Will I ever be able to submit such a prayer with genuine feeling? It seems a long way away, but I sincerely hope so.

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Special Treatment

“Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he can and should be and he will become as he can and should be.” - Goethe (German poet)

Each one of us has the potential to bring out the best or worst in others. When we focus on people’s faults, stick labels on them, and then subsequently treat them with suspicion and reservation, we actually block their progress. By forcing people into a defensive mode, we distract them from doing the deep internal work that can give birth to their divine and innate potential. It’s not that we are simply passive and powerless victims of other peoples (mis)behavior. We are often party to it.

Great saintly teachers have shown how an approach of encouragement, appreciation, and loving discipline can create miraculous change in others. Swami Prabhupada was one such example. Having spent his entire life amidst refined and immaculate spiritual culture, he arrived in New York’s skid row and lived side-by-side with bohemians, acidheads and hippies. He saw beyond their difficulties, frustrations and problems, and detected the spark of genuine spiritual enthusiasm and sincerity. He fanned that spark, and ignited a fire that could incinerate their inner issues. Convinced that every soul is amazing, he worked hard to enliven that spirit.

Bringing out the best in others does require immense spiritual depth. We have to stop taking things personally. We have to develop a character of forgiveness and kindness. We have to be patient, and value progress above perfection. We have to avoid overreacting in provoking situations. We have to remain fixed in our values and principles despite the irrationality of others. We have to avoid the temptation to ‘hit back’ and hurt others simply for immediate relief and gratification. A tall order. I hope that one day I’ll develop the spiritual depth to conduct myself in this way. We may think that remaining sane, healthy and happy in our own life is good enough. The principle of being genuinely concerned for the wellbeing of others, however, is innate to our own progress. By bringing out the best in others, we bring out the best in ourselves.

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Mediate before you meditate

Human relationships are riddled with argument, quarrel and conflict. It’s a symptom of the age. But that’s not a problem per se, since every disagreement is pregnant with positive and negative potential. Differences of opinion can bring enlightenment, transformation, wisdom and growth – they can also be the cause of anger, frustration, resentment, and bad feeling. Developing progressive responses in argumentative situations can be a liberating experience. Here are some tips:

• Tolerance – the first moments of a conflict situation can determine the entire conversation. Be tolerant and patient. The art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. Adopting an adversarial approach erects barriers which block the meeting of hearts.
• Circumstance - beyond the perceived irrationality of actions and words, try to understand why someone is doing what they do. Then you hold the key to progress. In interpersonal relations the golden rule is this: seek first to understand, then to be understood. To do that you have to listen with an open heart and an open mind.
• Acceptance – did you ever consider that there may not be a right or wrong answer? Conflict comes from difference, but diversity is not necessarily bad. Fear of difference is fear of life itself. By accepting that we're all individuals, we can more appreciate that conflict is often a case of different ‘angles of vision’ illuminating the same truth.
• Importance – keep disagreements in perspective and properly evaluate their importance. Question whether the tenacious pursuance and resolution of a conflict is really necessary. Issues can easily be dropped or ignored, but often our emotional involvement keeps us doggedly fighting till the last breath.
• Transcendence – we love to be right, but the spiritual principle is to transcend right and wrong. The real aim of an argument or discussion should not be victory, but progress. If a concession of ‘defeat’ improves our relationships, helps us develop character, and opens up opportunities for progressive solutions, then where is the loss?

Arguments, conflict and unsavory confrontation can disturb our mental state and make spiritual practice incredibly difficult. Learning to mediate our conflicts can help us to meditate in peace.

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Top Gear

Three months into 2013 and my new year’s resolution remains intact – 30 minutes of exercise every day. Coupled with a slight improvement in diet, I definitely feel much better. Krishna explains that “he who is regulated in his habits of eating, sleeping, recreation and work can mitigate all material pains by practicing the yoga system” (Bhagavad-gita 6.17). A vibrant spiritual life should go hand-in-hand with physical and emotional wellbeing. Feelings of good health, vigour and vitality can help spur on our spiritual endeavours. Coming from someone who previously paid little attention to such matters, I’m happy to say I’ve been won over! Although the body is simply a machine, it pays off to keep it road-worthy.

I have, however, noted an interesting phenomenon in physical training. As the body becomes fitter, the same amount of physical exertion no longer creates growth. Over time, you have to intensify and step up your exercise to keep developing. Even weight trainers will tell you that muscles are developed by squeezing out an extra few push ups, sit ups or weight lifts beyond what you can comfortably do. Building our spiritual muscles is no different. As the years go by, we have to “up the gear” and offer more selfless service, extend ourselves in greater ways, develop our humility and tolerance to a more profound level, and strengthen our determination and enthusiasm. Spiritual life is dynamic; if we aren’t pushing forward, we can easily slip back into laziness, complacency and bad habits.

In worldly spheres, as people grow in age they tend to slow down and do less. Work now, retire later. The youthful years are considered the most fruitful. In spiritual spheres, however, the older years may well be considered the “business end”. As time ticks on, our urgency should increase, our spiritual realisations should mature, and our enthusiasm should grow. Ignore the old cliché about middle-aged dogs and new tricks! Swami Prabhupada was the ideal example. When CNN documented 10 wildly successful people who started their careers after 50 years-old, they included him in that elite list:

The founder of the Hare Krishna movement was 69 years old before he started the International Society for Krishna Consciousness. In his native India, Prabhupada had been a chemist and a Sanskrit scholar in Calcutta, but in 1965 he came to New York City with just fifty bucks, a pair of cymbals, and a desire to spread the teachings of Lord Krishna. Prabhupada got off to a modest start by sitting on a sidewalk in the East Village and chanting, but by the time of his death in 1977 his legions of followers were rumoured to be thousands strong. (Ethan Trex, May 2010, CNN News)

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Guilty Conscience

Those who embark on the journey towards transcendence are brave indeed. They strive for purity in a world of degradation, they embrace simplicity amongst rampant materialism, and they cultivate selflessness in an atmosphere charged with exploitation. Anyone who goes against the grain in such a bold way will undoubtedly be faced with temptation, doubt, ridicule and moments of weakness. Behind the high ideals and expectations of any religious or spiritual tradition, stands the relatively frail and weak aspirant. Lapses and mistakes are to be expected in the life journey of any human, and spiritualists are no exception. Scriptures are replete with accounts of spiritual aspirants who fell victim to the material appetite.

Nobody likes to be a hypocrite, and a gap between the ideal and the real naturally generates feelings of frustration, guilt and regret. This is an interesting phenomenon. Without a sense of guilt or shame one will lack the impetus to improve. They generally gravitate towards a life of justification, where they comfort themselves in their compromised position and accept their weaknesses with no concrete plan to overcome them. On the other hand, an overdose of guilt becomes highly debilitating. It usually leads to depression, hopelessness and an inferiority complex where the aspirant feels powerless to improve. They often end up leading a subdued and isolated life, distancing themselves from people and situations that remind them of their shortcomings. To avoid the two unhealthy extremes of justification and hopelessness, we need to manage a healthy and balanced amount of guilt to create positive change.

How can we support those who aspire against the odds to be good and noble, but who sometimes fail? How can we transform the guilt into growth? How can we reassure individuals to stay determined and never give up? The ancient teachers stress the principle of guhyam akhyati prcchati: to openly discuss one’s challenges with a friend. Firstly, it frees one from anxiety and a sense of hypocrisy. Honesty can calm our conscience and bring an immediate feeling of relief. Secondly, one creates an opportunity to receive invaluable advice, feedback and support. Even if they offer words that we’ve heard before, it can still impact our lives in a significant way. Thirdly, and arguably most importantly, there is a divine recognition and witness to this exchange. Humbly admitting one’s shortcomings is a demonstration of a genuine and sincere desire to improve. That exhibition of humility is rewarded with great inner strength and resolve. Through honest exchange, one can face their challenges and emerge with greater enthusiasm and maturity to continue on. It’s good to talk.

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Build High, Dig Deep

Stress seems to be the dreaded ailment of the age. Everyone seems to be searching for ways to avoid it! But maybe living a little on the edge is not so bad after all. A suitable amount of stress can help you grow, push you to achieve amazing things, give real meaning to your life and add an element of excitement and adventure. Modern psychologists refer to this healthy phenomenon as “eustress”. If life were just peaceful, predictable, quiet and orderly, we may not maximise the potential. Balanced amounts of stress spice up life - too much peace of mind can also drive you mad! So how do you bend yourself without breaking? How to push yourself without falling over the edge? How to strive for success, while maintaining your sanity and composure?

Skyscrapers are well-known for their deep foundations. The calculation of depth is primarily based on three things:

• The height of the building
• The softness of the soil 
• The severity of the weather conditions

As long as you have a good foundation, you can build as high as you like.

The building of our life can rise high. We can adopt challenging projects, accept multiple responsibilities, tackle stressful situations and fly high in the skies of success... as long as we have deep spiritual foundations to balance it out. We should simultaneously be aware of the soft soil we are building on; inherent weakness of heart, flickering determination and a fragile mind are archetype characteristics of the aspiring spiritualist. Also bear in mind that the climate within which we operate is unpredictable and often unsupportive. We are surrounded by a world which promotes a different paradigm.

The problem is not that we strive to do amazing things, but rather that we neglect to invest quality time in spiritually nourishing ourselves. As one is cemented in a deep sense of spirituality their ability to become an agent of positive change increases. They can rise high, impact the world, and still remain strong, steady and humble.

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